Take a lesson from the Puerto Ricans. Millions of us have managed to survive in
one of the most expensive cities on earth with recipes like this:
Find a supermarket that has black beans on sale. Buy as much as you can. Then
buy 5 or so pounds of Carolina rice, a bag of onions, a few bulbs of garlic,
and a box of Goya Sazon.
Bring 2 cups of water to boil
Throw in one cup of rice, turn the heat down to simmer and lid it
Slice up a small onion
Smash up a clove of garlic
Throw some olive oil or butter into a HOT pan.
Throw the onions and garlic into the pan and fry them till the onion gets
glassy. Throw some salt in there.
Grind some pepper in there for good luck.
Toss in half a packet of Sazon and stir till you get a paste. Now you have a
sofrito.
Dump in your can of beans bean juice and all.
Stir it up.
Add a pinch of Cayenne pepper so you remember that you have a set of cojones
Set it on simmer
Your rice is done.
Throw the beans on top.
Win
You should get at least 2 meals out of one can of beans, and if your lucky you
can get black beans 2 for $1. Adding the cost of the Garlic, Sazon and a small
onion and you still eat a tasty, hearty, relatively healthy meal for less than
$1.
Now. You are a growing lad. You need MEAT
OK, first of all, forget eating lips and rumps. There is a much, much tastier
option that has kept millions of starving boriquas alive for generations: PORK
SHOULDER.
In my neighborhood in Brooklyn, Pork shoulder is 79 cents a pound. That’s
right. 79 cents. A package of hot dogs at $2.50 is more than double the price
and has offal and all sorts of vile stuff inside.
Buy yourself a nice meaty pork shoulder. 5 lbs should do nicely.
Bring it home and get out a long, thin knife.
In a pilon (that’s a mortar and pestle, gringo) smash up a few cloves of
Garlic, some sazon, some, salt, some pepper, and some oil. Grind it up GOOD.
Now you have another sofrito.
Take your knife and stab some holes in the pig. Twist the knife around so the
holes get nice and wide.
Now, take some of your sofrito and stuff it into the holes. Don’t be shy
blanco, ram it in there. Use the remainder to roughly coat the outside of the
pig. RUB IT. CARESS IT. This pig died so that you may eat. Salt it all over the
outside and crack some pepper on there.
Set your oven for ~300 degrees
Throw the pork in skin side up and WAIT.
It’s going to take like 45 minutes a pound…
A warning: The smell is going to drive you INSANE. You have to wait
this part out. Farm work is the best cure.
After an an hour and a half, jab it with a meat thermometer, but remember to
not rest it on the bone, or you will get a bad reading.
You should be at around 150-160 degrees. Now comes the fun part. CRANK the
stove up to 400 degrees. This will give you an orgasmic, crispy skin that will
make your pork rinds taste like year old carboard comparison.
At 170 ish? Pull it out, but DON’T carve it up. You need to wait at least ten
minutes otherwise all those sweet, sweet pig juices will dribble out. WAIT.
Congratulations. You just made Pernil. A five pound Pernil should give you meat
for at least a week. SAVOR IT BROTHER. SAVOR IT
Edit: Forgot the best and cheapest recipe!!!
TOSTONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Green plaintains are usually like 5 for a dollar!
Here’s my mom’s recipe:
Fry up some bacon. Set the bacon aside and save that lovely, glistening fat.
Take a plantain and run a knife down the side and split the skin off without
breaking the plantain. This takes a bit of practice.
Slice up the plantain into ~1/3 inch thick slices. Throw them into a bowl of
ice water.
You have a fry daddy? You’re golden papi. No? Pour around half an inch of oil
into a frying pan. Corn oil works best, olive oil smokes too easily. Get it
hot! Throw in your bacon grease.
Take your sliced up plantains out of the ice water and drain them or even pat
them with a paper towel till they’re dry.
Fry them until they just turn golden.
Throw them in the freezer for 10 minutes.
Now, here is where you become a MAN: Get yourself a flat bottom glass and a
cutting board or a plate. Throw some flour on there. Smash the plantains with
the cup. You may need a spatula to get them off the board…
Fry em AGAIN until they are golden and crispy
Make all three of these things together and you have an incredibly delicious
and cheap meal!
TLDR; Learn the lessons of my people: The Nuyoricans. (New York Puerto Ricans)
We have survived for DECADES on no money in one of the most expensive cities on
the planet.
